:: Self Adressed Letters ::

:: Tuesday, May 13, 2003 ::

ummmmm yeah... i haven't used this in a while... i think i'm going to write just a little here to keep this as record of stuff that i've done and gone through in the past...
i look back at what i was like, and how i've changed... i cry reading some of this stuff... it's sad... i want to read this as a adult to... i'm still enjoying my adolecence... it's wierd... i dunno... haha =) maybe i'll print this stuff out or something...
:: Eros 12:43 PM [+] ::
...

It's been three months since i last updated my blog... i guess that's a good thing yeah... well anyways, i still have no modem, no cable, and my computer is bust... no porn... no nothing... i guess that's pretty good right... more reading more stuff... more... life ....
I'm practicing on my writing skills and reading more... improving my diction, vernacular, and formal writing skills... i don't know... i'm sort of inspired too... all forms of art.. right... i miss alot though... the party life, the drugs, some friends... but i've grown to be a more focused person though... focused... yeah focused... focused on nothing that's why i'm so fucused. i'm pretty tired and i've been tired for a while... nothing good nothing new nothing worth anything...brb...

ok back... so... what's up with me now??? no one knows... i don't know... nothing really... the little infatuations with the people i can never have... my self satisfying love scenarios filled with lust desire and made up personalities that i fill myself with and enjoy to an extent until i realize what is really true... the truth of reality, the truth of these crazy unreal lustful people ... people i lust, and wish to love....

current infatuations...

CL aka SG
RG aka SG2
D sumthing... kinko my numbers
JA aka The runner
RR aka afghan man

that's about it... in order beauty... haha ... that sounds like a reasonable way to put it... i wish i had my comp fixed... and today i have to go and get my manga... if only i had ten dollars... god... i'm cravinga ciggarette... i still smoke... unfortunately... hopefully i can quit before i turn eighteen... if not ... then i will invest on the PATCH... quit my habbits... even though i know it's expensive... it's cheaper then packs and packs of ciggarettes... freakin cancer sticks...

Amelia has cancer... that's crazy... she's bald... it's crazy that someone so joyous and so nice and joyful and positive has cancer... it's really wierd... i don't believe it...

the MARJORIE AND BEREMY MELODRAMA... oh lord get over it...
marjorie is the coolest...

Me Marjorie and Eugene... have become pretty close... cuz we are TA's for kiyota... she's cool... she lets us go eat all the time since it's the last period of the day... she calls us MARJENAL or MARJINAL but it's just MARJENE realy... till i came...

I need to think of something new to do... i think i am going to start painting agani... if only i had better brushes and more paint... i wonder how many books are in this library...

well iymma go... and see if i can find the paradise kiss manga...

i'll come back soon...
:: Eros 2:36 PM [+] ::
...

whoa...it's been a long time... well yeah... haven't updated in a while... just been having fun doing nothing... enjoying relaxation... no drama... it's really soothing ... everyone should try it sumtime...


cd's and songs in my cd player...

joni mitchel - big yellow taxi

lauryn hill - selah

lauryn hill unplugged

erykah badu mama's gun

al green let's get together

george benson - give me the night

current novels-----

High Fidelity (done)

that angus book and full frontal snogging (done)

on the bright side i'm now the girlfriend of a sexgod (done)

nunga nunga er sumthing... (gonna start soon)

james and the giant peach (re reading)

GRAPHIC NOVELS:

GTO: great teacher onizuka (started)

Paradise Kiss (finished volume one) amazing!!

Angelic layer (done vol 1)

Chobits (done w/vol1)

Mars (finished vol 1 and 2) awaiting three and so on

Anime series:

KARE KANO(finished series 1-26) amazing

CHOBITS(1-13)

AYASHI NO CERES(1-2)

FINAL FANTASY UNLIMITED(1-3 done)

LOVE HINA(finished series about 23 episodes)
hella good
LOVE HINA AGAIN (1-3 done finished series)
hella good
ANGELIC LAYER (1-22 series finished)superb

SUPER GALS KOTOBUKI(1-2)

UROTSUKI DOJI(done)

UROTSUKI DOJI 2(done)

GRAVITATION (finished series 11 episodes)hella good

YAMI NO MATSUEI(1-7 done)ahhite

EXCEL SAGA (1-5 DONE)hella funny

COWBOY BEBOP (MOST OF THEM)

COOL DEVICES (FINISHED SERIES 1-11)

F3 (FINISHED SERIES 1-3)




sum others tooo IN ALL CATEGORIES ... but too lazy ...



well everyone have a good one!!
:: Eros 11:32 PM [+] ::
...

i seem to be the villan these days... i guess i deserve it. I guess being me isn't good enough for everyone right!! AAHH my stomach hurts... only have one stoge left too.. kinda suck... it's twelve fifteen no one is online... gay huh... i dunno ... talked to Eugene on the phone for a while today... pretty fun.. Eugene is a pretty koohl dude... he plays guitar hella goode!!... i wanna learn how to play!! that would be tyte... haha guitar... I asked grampa b 4 but he ken only teach me the filipino style... by ear and stuff... wierd... too hard too complicated.. n plus my hands are too small to play all those chords... aahhh no hobbies!! hella boring... i dunno... kinda crazy i guess!! dunno what's going on and stuff... too boring... MANN!! dude... dun wanna name names got bust today!! hella sad!! dunno it's kinda wierd... like we hella talked about it and we were koohl and we hella talked about it and all that stuff n all of a sudden he get's bust... and arrested... man!! i hope everything goes well!! i pray for him doode... wonder where he's at right now... my stomach hurts man!!! hella hurts doode!!... I THINK I ATE TOO MUCH KFC ... daymn... I can't believe mike sed that to julie... daymn... Whatever!! sorry... i guess iyll stay away from julie... and maryanne!! you know... mike takes shit to seriously and he's stuck up and some TKD crazy guy so yeah i dun wanna be bothered by that shit... hella ghetto and shit... i dunno... maryanne sucks... too good for poor little touchy meeh!! oh well ... she sucks!!! i dunno!! ghettolycrazy and shit! i dun understand... oh well... my <3 hurts now that i don't have her... but i guess it's ok... i guess life goes on... you loose some you win some... you lose the goodones too... so quickly without even knowing it... but i guess you just have to stick with the ones you have and cherish them as much as possible b 4 you lose them you know!... doode!! Eugene might move to sacramento!!! hella sad... i want to dissapear for a while... i think that would be koohl... just dissapear from my friends from school... wait not for a while... but forever... just forget about all that... it would be way easier!! i dunno now... i dun have no more to say.. or want to say... dun want it to even leave my mind...
:: Eros 12:23 AM [+] ::
...

aahhh my blog got deleted ... man shit ... well that was gay... ok whatevver it was junk n e ways!!
:: Eros 12:18 AM [+] ::
...

haven't updated in a while... my dad... step that is... totally cut my modem... so tonight... a week after it happened am now on my phone line.. one sumthing in the morning... i saw mike on his alternate sn then he signs on his real sn and im's me... iym cunfuzed bout what's going on... i wonder why he said what he sed to me... here it is... i think it will be meaningful in the future...

ViEtNgUy: aye jomel
fUnKy EwOk: ...
fUnKy EwOk: sup
ViEEgUy: aye remember u asked me if i talked to maryanne the night before on the phone
ViEtgUy: i said no
fUnKy EwOk: y r u on so late?
ViEtgUy: sorry i lied dude
ViEtgUy: i didnt konw what to say
fUnKy EwOk: why duz it matter?
ViEtgUy: i thought u 'd get mad
ViEtgUy: or something
fUnKy EwOk: ok...
ViEtgUy: but
ViEtgUy: we dont like eachother or anything
fUnKy EwOk: what duz it have to do with n e thing?
fUnKy EwOk: what are your motives for telling me this
ViEtgUy: well yeah ok
ViEtgUy: im just saying
ViEtNgUy: just saying i didnt really want to lie to u
fUnKy EwOk: i dunno why you are telling me this... or... who made you tell me this... but honestly i never really cared
fUnKy EwOk: thanx n e ways... i guess
ViEtgUy: hmm k
ViEtgUy: aite
fUnKy EwOk: i know it was maryanne
ViEtgUy: well actually no
ViEtgUy: im just telling u myself
ViEtgUy: cuz i lied to u
ViEtgUy: and dats not right
fUnKy EwOk: are you going to tell me sum day in the future that you lied to me now too?
ViEtgUy: no cuz im not
fUnKy EwOk: then what?
ViEtgUy: then what what ?
fUnKy EwOk: y would it seem like i mind?
ViEtgUy: well i dont really care if u mind or not
fUnKy EwOk: or y would you think that i minded?
ViEtgUy: im just telling u
ViEtgUy: dat i didnt mean to lie to u
fUnKy EwOk: ok... that's awkward... but ok

got silent... iym silent... iym cunfuzed...very... hurt and confuzed... i dunno...

nKy EwOk: why do you care if you lie to me or not?
fUnKy EwOk: or if you are fucked up to me?
ViEtgUy: cuz knowing u know that i lied to u
ViEtgUy: doesnt feel right
ViEtEgUy: if i hide it
fUnKy EwOk: why did you hide it in the first place?
ViEtgUy: it'd give u the wrong impression on me
ViEtgUy: cuz i told u already
ViEtgUy: i thought u'd get mad or something
fUnKy EwOk: iym more mad now
fUnKy EwOk: and cunfuzed
fUnKy EwOk: nm... fuck this
fUnKy EwOk: all of this...i don't need this... maryanne... or you...
ViEtgUy: alrite
ViEtgUy signed off at 1:23:30 AM.

Now iym hurt. siz less names on my buddylist... i can't bare friendship no more. this only proves to me how it's worthless and how it can't be trusted. How the people i feel i can trust in most have squeezed me down to nothing. I hope that they feel good about themselves. I hope they've learned something. I don't know why i bother.

Maryanne,
i love you... i love you so much... you've been there for me for so long... iy've given you everything... you know me better than anyone else in this world. no matter how much recently i've made you put up with all my shit... everything... put up with me... i guess you've finally given up and abandoned me. I don't blame you. I deserve it. You leave me when i need you most. and iym not sure why. if i knew that this would have happened i would have avoided everything that led up to it. no matter how much i cry, it'll never be the same. Our bond, our friendship is broken, and i believe it's unmendable. the time we spent as friends iyll always cherish. now that it's not the same it's like i lost something a big part of me... like my arm, or a leg... but it doesen't matter. i feel crippled. but ... don't worry... i still have friends. even though it'll never be the same... iyll just park handicap.

Mike,
Wow... what a short friendship. i thought... maybe sumday we'd be close... you know like buddies... i don't really have that much other guy friends and i was strongly pursuing yours especially after i lost other ones like thuan and jon. I didn't expect this... i didn't really expect much... but i guess it was never meant to be... sorry i dented your life... made some short appearance... a supporting actor in your feature film of "your so called life" ... i never meant to scratch you're life... or be some villan... but... it seems thats how i turned out...

it's funny... i don't think i ken sleep tonight...my head's too clouded...
:: Eros 1:38 AM [+] ::
...

OK OK...its late i know... OH well. Today majorly sucked. I had an overall bad day. School sucked i.e. I only needed a 0.6% for a C on my quarter grade from an F to a C because math department no longer has Ds. Then i got home and i got beaten up by my parents because of my attitude and because they accused me of not doing my homework and ditching again when they should know that I don't n e more. I've been striving to do my best, the change of friends and everything has been helping me get better with school work. I couldn't go to Lip sync because of that. I just have to be all happy and cheery for now on so i will be able to go to Sadies this coming friday. I don't want to stand JANA up. that would majorly suck. i mean suck suck bu2. The only thing good about today is, I once again get to "FEEL THE POWER OF BROADBAND" its amazing. It's a wonderful feeling. I am truly blessed. I wrote a letter to monkey. It's messed up and fucked up but it's the truth. It hurts, probably more for me than for her. I'm going to give it to her though. It sucks the way i feel. Everything in gerneral sucks for me. Life in general. my grades are going up and iym happy. I want the up more though. The school year is almost over. SO FUN. n yeah, i still have my infamtuation ... yes yes bam bam... i don't know why again though. After all this time... is it just a phase... i phased it freshman year but then i forced myself to stop, then... sophmore year... then i forced myself to stop.. and now this year... its even stronger than before... but iym forcing myself to stop... watch iym gonna rape him. puahahaha. OK OK my neck is sore. oh yeah clockstoppers is done dling...iym gonna watch it!! PRAY FOR ME>>> I WANTA GO TO SADIES!!! iyll know by monday.
:: Eros 3:51 AM [+] ::
...

daymn... hella bored dude, it's pretty late. AAHHH its late start tomorrow, thats koohl i guess. I want to go to sadies. They all want me to go, i dunno if i want to go or not though, but yeah if i could that would be great. Freaking Sixty Five Bucks for a fucking yearbook, its worthless to get one this year n e ways, it would be cool though, i should just spend a few bucks taking pictures of people i know and pasting it in a book that's like three bucks and having people sign it. That's sick, i thinkg iym gonna do that. haha pretty dope i think ... thuan is buggin me he's talking about stupid shit.... cunfuzing...i dunno maybe he's an alien or sumthing. I think I'm an alien... is that a bad thing, like one day i'll start glowing yellow or something and then my real parents will come down in some spaceship and take me to a planet where there are no retards like here!! that would be cool. ok ok... THUAN IS WIERD... i dunno what the hell is wrong with him... i accidently imed him then he was like saying stupid shit, then i asked him what he's doing on so late, and then he started giving me hella attitude and saying wierd ass shit... then i dunno... i dun understand. iym still confuzed, wierd. whatever aaarrgghh my back hurts... i hate standing up... i have to stand up to freakin be online... let me get a chair or sumthing...aahh tahts better. dragon ball is ghetto... i don't understand it... it looks so stupid... bobbity... its like the same shit over and over again .. .they need to get a new episode soon. ok ok iyll quid nothing to talk about ... gay!! ok bye
:: Eros 12:22 AM [+] ::
...

TODAY WAS GREAT, friend free, it was just me and all my cousins. I like that, my good cousins, all little, look up to me, and respect my differencs. We played volleyball and soccer, etc. etc. oh yeah and we fried sum turon BANAN LUMPIA, it was pretty sick. When we were playing volleyball ally farted and she fainted, it was hella funny. long story those are the cliff notes. well yeah, over all good day, just finished my homework too.. well iymma go chat and breath and so some other stuff before i hit the hay. Peace out.
:: Eros 11:39 PM [+] ::
...

I wrote this out of bordem and anger, and yes it is stupid gay, (you know who you are)

Truthful Apologies

I'm sorry for having to apologize in the first place
I'm sorry for thinking I did nothing wrong
I'm sorry I became friends with you
I'm sorry that I trusted you with my secrets
I'm sorry for creating my secrets
I'm sorry that you told them
I'm sorry that you told the people that I especially didn't want to know
I'm sorry for being me
I'm sorry I avoided you because I didn't want to confront you
I'm sorry that i didn't want to worsen things as they were,
but instead try to forgive an forget them and make like nothing was wrong
I'm sorry for making you think that I am an evil person
I'm sorry that I lost all my friends
I'm sorry for feeling now like they weren't my friends to begin with
I'm sorry that you feel like the victim
I'm sorry that everyone thinks i'm fucked up for reasons I don't understand
I'm sorry that I am victimized for doing nothing
I'm sorry for being blamed for things I didn't do
I'm sorry that I don't take the chance of talking shit
when I am hated and accused of doing so
I'm sorry for not wanting people to take sides
I'm sorry for not twisting the story to what I want it to be
so people will believe me and not you
I'm sorry that my friends are now yours and no longer mine
I'm sorry I have to make new friends
I'm sorry that you don't even know the real reason why I avoided you in the first place
but instead assumed a reason, and hated me, and made other people go against me
people that weren't even involved
I'm sorry that those people confront me and think I am at fault
I'm sorry for not wanting to forgive you just for the reason that I am family
I'm sorry that I don't consider someone family when they make me hurt like this
I'm sorry for thinking that if you read this It won't be kept to yourself
but instead be shared with people so they can mock me
I'm sorry for noticing that you are fake, that i feel lied to because you are going against
everything that together we believed, of being ourselves and individual, you have
hipocritically contradicted, by being as fake as you are, by lying, by being untruthful
and noticing that you now change yourself so you can be accepted by people instead
of being the you I know who only had friends who accepted you for who you were
I'm sorry that you are the one always cutting me down for a reason unkown
I'm sorry Jon that this is how i feel, truthfully, without lies
I'm sorry if anyone else reads this, that because you'd stoop low enough to make a mockery
of my feelings
I'm sorry for having feelings
:: Eros 1:40 AM [+] ::
...

I'm bored out of my mind. I dunno kinda wierded too. hella wierded. talking to Kboy online. He just got back from watching the movies with MY and HAHN and FAMFAM and BEAR and stuff... they went shoping and stuff for sadies. I... stayed home, slept with my baby bro, smoked a few ciggarrettes on my roof, inhaled and exhaled, my cuzins came over, I poured out my soul to ZEN and yeah just pretty muched chilled. I dunno, being happy and alone gives me solace. I'm trying to think less about stupid things, and have a clear mind, I think that would be koohl fo reals koohl like koohl majorly koohl. Sometimes when iym just sitting like looking for something to wear in the morning, i zone out to my own fantasy land for like ten minutes thinking of useless stuff thats why iym always late to second. I'll think of something like a Tree, then i'll think leaf, then from leaf go to bud then from bud go to E then from E go to parties, then from parties go to people i met before, then from that go to friends, then from friends to class then from class to homework then i see the clock and its ten minutes later. its trippy. I'm so depressed again. So many reasons. Like how i am fucked over by jon and how i lost alot of good friends, how i'm hella bitchy and everyone hates my attitude at home now, just how they all hate me for being me and how they find some reason to nag, how my father is a major prick and the fact i just figured out he's getting married in the philipenes and he's leaving in a few days, how my gramma and grampa have no money and bug my mom, how my bro kinda gets in the way of alot of things, how my sister hates my guts and hates me for drugs and she thinks iym evil and when my dad be's a prick to her she comes and tells me and when i tell her i don't want to know why are you telling me this she says "because you love him, because you love that asshole" , and how my mom always tells me about her beef with him, how iym doing bad in school, how iym so complicated, how everyone thinks iym so complex, how i don't have enough clothes, how i don't have money, how iym slowly slipping away from everyone in my life and falling into my little hole of anti socialness, how everyone i love is slipping away from me and hurting me and betraying me. I take pride in alot of things though, like the friends i still have like monkey kboy nicki niyasha micheal kristine judy kaitlin jana aj gayj kimmi marjorie joz etc. etc. I love them. I wish they only loved me to. haha that was gay. just substitute the word CHERISH instead of love. ok ok ok. well this is getting long and my butt hurts. these days are better then before. OH YEAH aj is at super duper sci-fi, he's prolly tweakin his ass off right now.
:: Eros 1:25 AM [+] ::
...

Micheal Pham told me that Jon and Thuan were talking hella shit about me thursday at lunch. That's fucking great, I should take the time to talk shit about them too, too bad I fucking don't. They even did it when there wasn't no beef. See, the difference between true friends, and backstabbing fake pricks.
:: Eros 2:47 AM [+] ::
...

I seem not able to trust myself n e more. I'ts wierd. I don't feel right for some reason. Like all this shit, you know of thinking that i can trust someone but they go and betray me like that and iym just so fucking messed up and devestated like my whole psychie on friendship is so fucked up. I don't know anymore. I think I just need to breath and take a break from alot of people and things. I know better than to write in this after all this drama because all of this shit in here can be used against me, but only a low life would fucking do that. UURRRGGHH i have a major headache. I need a freakin chill pill. I think i still got a bunch of Acetominophin in my back pack next to my big tub of vaseline. Haha gay huh. I want to sit down. wait thats what iym doing. I wanta BAM DAT FAM REPUS HARD amazingly hard. it would be great. I don't know why I get that Vibe though... it's wierd... i can just sense it aurating off in jolts. Maybe because iym just overly attractive. My new friends are great. They are true people, well expressed, no lies, strong on beliefs. They are themselves always and if someone doesen't like them then that's their problem, they want people to accept them for who they are, not neccessarally accept but understand and recognize. Its hard to explain, they are just a cool crowd. wierd, but cool. Stereo types of them have been influenced onto the enemy but oh well they are just ignorant. Their opinion is only on physical appearance not by mental capacity. My lip is cut, it's semi bleeding, i don't know why... it's gay. Ok now i gtg this is getting irritating my back hurts and ... yeah.. iym just pretty much blank two fourty five in the morning!! ahhite peace out!
:: Eros 2:45 AM [+] ::
...

its been a while... i don't know if thats a good thing... my dads business went bankrupt and they owe him hella money so yeah i don't have internet and i can't update as much... well... yeah... this is all jibber jabber.... i am sort of down.... well really down.. super depressed. I feel backstabbed by jon... i thought he was my friend... but iym not sure... The only thing I did wrong was not talk to him, yet he accuses me of talking shit about him and his friends. I have nothing against Thuan Queenie or Frances or let alone anyone exept for him. I haven't really liked jon since December, when I noticed just how much all my first cousins dispised me because of the fact of me being not fully hetrosexual was instigated into their topics of conversation by jon. CJ once told me that he's the one who brought it up and said the most shit. I thought he was my friend and wouldn't share my secrets and bring me down like that, i only wondered why he did it, for him to be a bigger person compared to me??? I knew that he backstabbed me by saying all that shit to them, but yet i forgave him because he was my friend, BEST FRIEND, and family. Then told my sister that I dropped extasy. I specifically told him not to, many times, sober and under influence, and he goes and tells her. I don't understand that. My sister shunned me, and holds it against me as blackmail. I don't know why he did that either, and because of this he was beginning to be untrustworth. Then one day Jon tells me that Tyson knows that I kissed a guy friend at a party, Jon was practically the only one who knew, and i asked jon how did Tyson figure out? and Jon told me Tyson said AJ told him. I was confused. Maybe Aj saw was flashing in my head. I confronted AJ sometime after ... i said "AJ did you see anything at visions?? that i did with the turtle guy on the floor??" and he's all "NO ... why" "because i heard you saw or heard about something i did and told Tyson" then he said "NO i don't even talk to tyson" "thats what i figured" and he asked me why what did you do "You and luan didn't see anything right!" "NOPE" "Jon told me that tyson said that you told tyson that i kissed that turtle guy at visions" and he said "Well i didn't even know you did, you just told me." so after that i was skeptical about talking to jon. AJ was confused about why jon would say that he told tyson or why tyson would tell jon that AJ told him when he didn't. I didn't want to confront Jon at all about it so i avoided jon. I knew if i talked to him it would come up so i avoided him in intierty after a while. Aj started Not liking jon for his own reasons, which i cannot say in this journal because that would be AJs business and i wont invade it and write it in here. Then jon calls me one day ... and he tried to confront me and i told him about the tyson thing and he just kept saying it was aj the he said in the cliff notes "Why are you talking shit about me to AJ you must have said something because he's not talking to me." that came right out of the box and bit me below the belt. I never talked shit about jon behind his back to AJ, AJ disliked jon for his own reasons. the conversation ended like me being the villan. I just told jon to confront aj about it. Then during multicultural week frances and queenie confronted me, and i heard the story they got from jon and how it was so different from the truth, how everything they were told were off the subject on why i was anti jon, all of it was not the reason why i didn't talk to jon. Then Frances came up to me tryiing to prove that AJ told Tyson at a party and i asked what party and she said Chris Leongs and she remembers Tyson hearing it but she was drunk too and tyson was drunk. First of all aj wasnt at the party and most important i was. She was confused. I was so pissed off at all the fake stuff i was hearing i started tearing. Then i understood why frances didn't like AJ and AJ is fucked up for doing that but still it still doesen't make jon a better person.
Then on the last day of Multi cultural week aj tells me that tyson told him jon came up to him and was telling him "AJ said it huh, AJ said it huh" and Tyson wasn't even involved in the situation he didn't know what the hella was going on. Jon said it like he was trying to make tyson say that aj told him when in truth it was jon. Tyson told AJ then AJ told me. i was pissed off. I no longer wanted to be friends with anyone. I lost faith in friendship. I can't trust it. Now iyve just let it pass... and with it iyve lost good friends like queenie, frances, and thuan. i don't understand Jon's actions, and i think iym convinced that he did them, he can't justify himself. I don't know about forgiveness.
:: Eros 12:44 AM [+] ::
...

its been a long ass time since i updated my daymn shit.. oh well.. well nothing to do nothing new all i am trying to do i sleep away my problems, my troubles and my sorrows... ok iym going now .. bye
:: Eros 1:11 AM [+] ::
...

iym pretty sick... it sucks to have the flu man... being sick only reminds me how lonely i am. my muscles are so sore. i don't know. i'm pathetic. I am actually expecting someone to im me. i feel gross. i think i am gonna barf. i didn't finish mothman prophecies lastnight man. oh well. it was giving me a headache n e wayz. iym to sick to write more. haha. so sick .. this duznt make n e sense huh.
:: Eros 9:58 PM [+] ::
...

I'm superly trippin. I think trippin is what people were meant to do. We all trip one way or another, it's part of human nature. There is just no dictionary word for it, it has just been created by the shmuck of harlem and the drug world, and fitted into slang terms of everyday teens and hip folk of the present day suburbia. Why I am trippin you might ask? For a darn good reason. I have found out that AJ saw me kiss a unworthy male subject at a party in OAK town. What a mistake I made to let myself fall into the trap of the X and let it control my emotions. I let myself be marked, and let AJ and hopefully not Goat to see my fornication. How stupid. AJ telling THE INDESPICABLE DORK ASS DIRTY MOTHER FUCKING WANNABEE EVERYTHING FAKE GRUNGE NAMED AFTER CHICKEN is also what iym tripping about. Daymn. And letting myself trip over telling someone something. I only told Rabbit about Royalty because he asked. I should have not though. I should've let him figure out for himself. I feel bad for doing that, it wasn't my place to say anything. I look at myself, and mostly all I see is my faults. Truthfully, all i see in myself is my faults. All i see is the negative. Is it because I'm a negative person? Yes actually it is.
Ok, now, what I notice i think.
Why do I think the way I do, and feelk bad the way i do? It hurts when I see other people being teased, yet I do it myself. Then again, I only do it if they deserve it. To get back, as a sense of security, or to make someone I like notice me. I only wish people would just critique themselves before me, make sure you are all perfect before you critisize mine. Why is it, that when I am with friends or family, I am always to take the worst quality. You know, someone told me a few days ago, "It is only because you enjoy people feeling sorry for you.", oooh trust me that is not the reasong why. That is so not true, then the night before last night, so two nights ago, I watched The Joy Luck Club and there is this part where they are eating crab for new years, and I found what JUNE's mother told her about that situation is highly relavant to mine;
"June, I see you. Waverly, she take good quality crab. Auntie Lindo, she take good quality crab. Everyone, they take good quality first for themselves. But you only one who offer take worst quality, because you have best quality heart."
I don't know, that was corny. I honestly think I'm not like that, but that only made me think, and now everytime when I am in that situation, I try to be a better person, and have a better quality heart and do what I feel is right, and take the worst quality so there is no argument, and everyone is happy. I don't know, maybe I only think like that because I am so negative.
Falling. That's what I have been doing lately. Everytime I close my eyes and start to dream, I seem to be falling. Deeper and deeper into a endless pit. I don't fear that I am falling because I know the pit is endless, so I have some sort of security behind me, like i'm falling for my personal benefit. Though i'm not doing anything. Well last night, while i was falling in my dream, I realised that i wasn't falling, that I was flying downard. So, I tried to like turn and fly in another direction, but I couldn't. I tried, and I tried, and I tried, but i couldn't. Then i noticed the bottom, it was like a bunch of Spikes and stuff, so I started to panic. Then WOOSH (onomonopoeia) wings came out from my head, like a Siren (greek mythology, said to have sang a beatiful song to sailors who passed by the islands where Siren's inhabited and tempt them to come, the sailor's ships would then crash on the island's shore and the sirens would eat the men, or use them to sexually reproduce. Siren's only attracted men), and they were on my ankles like Hermies (from greek mythology, said to have been the messenger between god's), and i flew up into the moon. I flew up and I popped out the top of a Humongous tree similar to a redwood but with diamonds, saphires and rubies as its leaves, that was in the center of a huge lake, so huge that you couldn't see the shore across, which the tree was in the center of. I flew around the small island, and on it were mythological creatures, like centaurs, nymphs, fairies, unicorns, and in the tree lived many of the animals too, including a few pegasus. I flew down to the shore, and I saw a rock not to far, and i was rather scared of all the animals so i landed on the rock and sat perched myself upon it. Then, I could hear house beats vibrating from the water. And i looked into the water, and Merfolk came up and surronded the rock and sang a trancy tune. Then the water began to dance, and fairies and fireflies flew into the tree and produced hundreds of lights and lazers out of the tree, and all of the animals began to dance. Then a little half nome half fairy flew over to me, and gave me a poppy berry. He told me to swallow. I swallowed it, and after thirty minutes, i knew the feeling, I was rollin. It was amazing. I danced. Then I woke up, and my mom was playing my Ayla cd. OH lord, it was a good dream too. ok ok this is long. peace out.
:: Eros 3:15 PM [+] ::
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ok iym back. i don't know n e thing... man my last entry didn't finish but oh well it was worthless ne ways just like this one. i don't know, should i be mad and jealouse like i am. Oh my god, the BN(bignose) i know him. I talked to him on the phone. Was it a bad impression or a good impression i don't remember. i dunno, maybe i should ask him. I didn't know thats the BN that is V's cuzin... whoa super wierd. i am trippin out. I don't know. Get my mind off the one and the HIM. The two saicho's who are inlove. I don't care. I hope they are happy, they make a good couple. I hope they choke on eachother =X lol. I have a big headache. I don't know n e thing iym stupid i should just end this for today. I love everyone and hate everyone too. good feeling good feeling. I have a headache, my headache is coming back. man... i don't know.. haha i should choke myself it feels good. OOO one is on... gross, must leave must leave. haha iyll just shut up. i think iym gonna take a nap or get my heart rate up by dancing. oh my god kimmi is dancing like a freak.. haha ... why do they think BN is cute. He is not cute. haha ... he's wierd. haha ... I'm bored.. i must end this and stuff.. ok iym going ... kimi is funny ok bye .. i dunno maybe BN is cute. I just dont want to become his friend and screw it up with my gay shit. haha .. nm i wont.
:: Eros 6:04 PM [+] ::
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peep this.

blank: its alright jomel
meeh: nm
blank: i'll be
blank: ur guardian angel
meeh: lol

i don't know what to say to that i think thats the funniest thing in the world coming from a guy, its cute i guess i dont know.. not from this person, maybe sumtimes. haha i dunno it just came out of no where. that's funny. hahahahaha i dunno i dunno... i just had to ad this
:: Eros 8:31 PM [+] ::
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everything is pretty stupid... i mean everything. oh well... man ... so bored. oh well i guess it's keeping me good, helping me grow =) .. thats the good thing.. even though its not werking, so i guess it's bad. i dunno, i guess sitting here is keeping me good. being online right now is making me bad but oh well. i am gonna go to sleep early tonight, I think it will keep me good. I don't know. whatever. bleh. my nose is dry. i need to get sum spray or something. I think for now on i wll be. tempestuous and stupid. it suits the way i look and the way people think i am. I think they think that way because other people make them think that way by saying stuff behind my back, but then again that is only my notion, though i have much to belive that it is true based on the evidence collected by my five senses because i have not developed the sixth... yet. everyone is becoming so fake, i hella notice that. i don't know, I tell AJ about it sumtimes. And this one person talks like it knows it all. bugs the shit out of me, i just want to come out of my shell and yell. SHUT UP. but ... i don't know, i guess i'll be fake like that. I don't want to be fake like that i don't want to pretend i like people, but if i was that way then i wouldn't have no friends because i would lose them by association, like friends that are friends that are friends. like if i got into a fight with a friend then all would turn against me. Oh well. OK i feel pretty bad, and i gotta do my hw... i guess iyll update on sunday. this is the stupidest entry, oh well .

:: Eros 8:22 PM [+] ::
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Ok well i was trying to update this yesterday but i was too stupid and shitty feeling from being high yesterday to know how to do it correctly. Well. Yesterday i got high after school cuz it was early out. And I was koohl, even though they were hella dogging (wierd walker and rabbit). So we are there in MC donalds, then they decide to go to Crossroads. So me and AJ were chillin in the car, then we went out to dance, and me and him busted some wierd ass shit. It was pretty koohl. fuck grammar right now iym too stupid to care. well yeah, we are there dancing then we just go inside and chill and listen to music. it was pretty koohl. then we walked around and aj wanted to get hella high so we both smoked some stoges, and i was super fucked up and so was he, then we got in the car to meet royalty to go to gothic. well we get to gothic and its pretty cool in there, i can only remember some things. but yeah it was cool. then thuan got in the car to ride with us, and we were going to rasputins, i don't remember rasputins that much, then we got back in the car, and we started driving back to school. rabbit was sitting on my right side, and i could feel his leg and his arm at my side like ten times more than it would feel sober. and it was wierd, i could feel every move that he made and everything, i was tripping out. Like all my senses were times ten. Then i could hear his voice and he was talking wierd. Like under the real sound i could hear the fobby vietnamese in him. Then i could smell him. Like usually you could smell someone then you forget. But I could smell him, like him, like I noticed the smell of soap. Then i noticed his detergent, then the smell of him, like what his house would smell like. It was wierd. I felt so sick though. From that damn ciggarette, it was right after i took a hit of the red. then i we went to jons and i slept, and then i went home, and got grounded. I can't go out or online till sunday. pretty gay huh. So i am probably gonna save all of my entries into word then copy and paste it all on saturday. I am probably gonna right alot because i have nothing better to do. haha. daymn today is late start. mom and beyoj went walking with the two yungins. well i think iymma head to school now cuz its already eleven. daymn, iym hungry, and i need to take a shit. My stomach feels all bleh still though... i feed naseated. Ok well i'mma go and brush my teen and stuff. and see what jon is doing. I'll probably update this on sunday, or maybe when i get lucky. haha. byee BAAAaaaAAaAAaAA
:: Eros 11:01 AM [+] ::
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OK OK OK OK OK, gay haha. Well yeah, he was mad at me, so he unplugged my modem, pretty ghetto huh. Any wayz, lets see, hmm. Oh yeah he unplugged it because i didn't have my progress report, but that's only because i ditched fifth, I haven't turned in anything in Alg 2, and I smelt like ciggarettes in PE. Oh yes, i finally figured out ther german homework, pg.88 #2. Haha, Ms. Rastaturova, or should i say, ther EURO HAG is so stupid. She lets us cheat on tests, well i think she'll let us, because she hella cheated when for her final exam in math when she was going to school in Germany. Haha, I bet you she was a hippi who did drugs. A German Hippi. Man, I get kicks outta myself so easily. So SPRUNG was dope. Man, that sucks, i didn't go. Oh well. The music sucked, so i didn't miss out, but everyone was there. That sucks that I didn't go. Goat went, and I didn't go. Man, I coulda took advantage of the situation, because he was Xed out. I could of atleast talked to him, and you know E buddies after you roll, they are all koohl with you, and i wouldn't mind being his friend. I sessioned today. It was hella funny when AJ's little sister Midjet, pushed AJ's broken door down on AJ's head and he got hella pissed and pushed her. I was bustin up. Even though AJ got in hella trouble. Haha, I was scared BeYOJ was gonna throw a fit and yell and kick me out, but I guess she aint like that. Well no thoughts, just that i'm feening some goat and some number flippers. Haha, well Dit is gonna read this, i'm letting her, another one of my subscribers to the ultimate personal shit filled site of stuff you read when you're bored. ok ok oh yeah 143 DIT.
:: Eros 10:27 PM [+] ::
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ok today was sucky... i woke up... pretty funny huh ... well i woke up... ok ok hole up grammar.. So, I woke up, and here i am sitting here doing nothing, just chillin on my lazy ass. I smoked my stoge on the roof, then, came in took a shower. I watched some shtuff on my computer, then, my mommy came home from shopping with Beyoj. Them my mom boiled sum hot dogs and we ate it, and GayJ slept over. I had fun. Ne ways then i went to the park and there was hella drama leaving the house. So we get there, and i feel bummed because of the drama, so i have my stoge in this area in the park by the ducks. The ducks were eating my ash, and i thought that was pretty interesting. Then I go back, and me and GayJ talk, and then we hide from my sister and we have another stoge. Then we chill and talk story bout, hmm, everyone's favorite topic, dahruhgs. It was pretty interesting hearing all her stories, etc., drama, etc., and of course, I shared some of mine. Then we ate at Taco Bell, and after we are, we watched this viet girl try to park for hours. It was pretty interesting. Then we came home and it's now. Dude, my step dad is being the biggest punk in the world, I wonder what is stuck up his sphynxter, lol. I don't know. Everything today seems so fake, especially Spaceman, he is being a baby, a Spacebaby. I don't know what is up his rear end to. I was just talking to him all normal and stuff and it's like he though i was attacking him or something. I was not verbally attacking him in any way and he was getting offended. I don't think he understands what JK means, and how can he put it all like he said maybe about dropping with the FGF next weekend. He said if they do he is "Down". I don't see "Maybe" in "Down", because saying your "Down" it means you're "Down". N E wayz enough about that, I am not trippin, I just do not know what he is trippin about. I am not mad at him or hate or feel offense in any way torwards him at all, i just don't understand why he got all offended with his "your stupid jomel, whatever, your stupid, your dumb!!", i even said "Why are you getting all offended.", and his response was "your stupid, I am not offended." so i just didn't even answer him, I don't want to even try to give him the idea that i think i am a bigger person then him, because I am not, and I didn't even try to argue or anything, or even wan't to be in that situation with him. Spaceman is super cool and I like being his friend, I just don't understand why he got all offended. I wasn't even trying to be mean or anything. I don't know... whatever. Ok, it's all about being by myself right now, i don't even really want to talk to no one, so I won't. Oh nm, I want to talk to this person, brb I am going to have a lil chat. OK that was interesting, Dit is funny, and cool. Even though I really didn't like her in the beginning of the year. I don't know why. I think it was her tounge ring thing and just a whole bunch of things other people said about her. It only proves that you have to talk to someone and get to know them before you can judge them. I try not to be so judgemental and superficial any more. It actually helps me make better friends, and helps me have better relationships with the ones i have. AAAHHHH this is really good, it is really clearing alot of my stress, and helping me enjoy my alone time. OK i have to end my alone time now, they are calling me downstairs. I will be back, in the next episode.
:: Eros 6:27 PM [+] ::
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Ok it has only been... oops i think yesterday so it hasn't been that long since i updated my journal. Well i guess everything is fine. I am going to try to type with better grammar, because it makes things easier to understand and I need to practice because when I write in school I make the same mistakes and type with the same slang as online. Fucking Dipped is an asshole I think he told the Fat White Boy that is named after an anime something that he shouldn't have. He is a fucking asshole i hope he reads this shit man. Haha, I am so stupid. I thought VinhameseFood was coming today so i made Monkey and Braceface come with me to the science lecture hall to watch VSA(vietstudentassociation) do their shtuff for multicultural week. It was pretty interesting I guess. We realized how much FASA (filipino american student association) sucks. And it really does. Man, I am so afraid of my report card coming. Major Bummer, <- that is white talk. Vietnameeguy and Phammers i think are going to LA for sum competition, i don't what them to go, they are pretty cool people and thats who I kill time with after school, but i guess its ok, because i don't know, because i'm stupid. Haha, ooh yay Rabbit im'ed me i bet you he is nagging.
KEr: ok ;KEr: im back; jk.. haha he didnt. I like talking to him, he's pretty cool, and fun to talk to. I don't know. To me everything seems fake. Last night i had a pretty cool dream and i woke up and i was pissed off because it wasn't real, and it was so good i realized, wow my life sucks why is it worth living and i was going to crash right there, whoa my grammar just keeps getting worse. I like dreaming, and sleeping, its my only alone time. I better finish this soon because my dad just came in telling me to get offline, haha dork. I know he is going to unplug my modem, i haven't been on this for a long time. I really need a ciggarette right now to. Well i'm going to talk to Rabbit. haha and yeah i got to end this, i really don't got no thoughts. OOhOOHHOHOHOH the Giant Choir Member.. soo hot, dressed so nice today, nice blue nylon pea coat thats blue, dark slacks nice shoes tall and koohl hair, and deep voice. he knows i was checking him out. I am gonna sleep too and think of goat, he makes me fall asleep . K boi was getting a kick out my BaaaAaAaaaAAaAa lol thats hella funny!! well yeah gnite everyone.
:: Eros 11:13 PM [+] ::
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OK... finally iym updating this again after a long time... like a week er so... well nothing new same ole same ole... i know my grades are fucked up so i have to prepare for a whooping... but i guess iym cool. Iym pretty stuck on this song ... haha its pretty gay and all but i like it... i dunno just sum of the word... accept for the religious part... its ONLY HOPE - by switchfoot but remade by MANDY MOORE for A WALK TO REMEMBER ... its pretty interesting... i haven't watched the movie yet but i read the book, i guess its good... man i wanted to go out tonight with spaceman and barbarian ... cuz iym kinda feening a stoge and kick it and play videogames at Golfland and stuff...but for realz ... i wanted to see goat.... i love goat... i dont know why ... dances good i guess... i think iyve liked goat as long as vinh... i just haven't said n e thing cuz people sed goat ws ugly and because royalty liked him to... he's hard for me not to like... goat has everything i find attractive in a person... but i really haven't talked to him yet... maybe i should.. but iym afraid to... i really just want to conversate with him sumtimes... but i always screw up friendships... i fall into close friendships to quickly and expect so much out of them then i get screwed over sumhow and i end up screwing everything up... hmm i dunno... iym pretty stupid haha... they are all going to atlantis... i hella want to go... i can't go no matter what... i can't get out... and even if i could i dont got money and even if i scrounged up enough i wouldnt be able to get in because its 18+... pretty gay huh... man i dun know if they dawg my style or they like it... hmm i dunno i can't tell .. i suck ... i shouldnt dance no more... i want to go to julie's party... she invited me..and since there is gonna be house music... cuz andrew is gonna spin iyll fucking go just to see Goat... i dont know why i like goat... i shouldn't ... i dunno.. haha ... T-rex sed that Goat really wants a Girlfriend... haha... i wonder why... man if i was a chick .. .iyd like get his number and call him that minute if i could... i dunno... do i really want a relationship with a guy... like goat would even consider that... man whatever... i dunno ... just fun pretending i guess... i like it .. i guess hahaha... i dunno .. too wierd... i like pretending except for the part of being let down after believing for a minute that it might come true.. i don't know... iym a big humma jumma bumma wumma right now.. lol ... its wierd... man ... i can't believe kboy read alot of this ... practically all thats hella hours and shtuff... thats major time wasted reading this... i dunno... i superly want to talk to goat though... he helps me fall asleep at night... i dunno... funky V ... rabbit now... Rabbit ... i want to talk to rabbit .. i havent talked to him in a while...i think i will... i hate his shit sumtimes though... his concieted shit and his too good for this shit and his stupid S***C*****us attitude.... its gay i dunno iyll get over it ... i guess thats him ... proves to me i dont nkow him that well... man i wonder where spaceman and aj are... i wanna go with them... booh hoooh... shit... man ... i wanna go out hella bad... yes that one break is coming up... iymma save that break for doing nothing ... maybe if a ken get sum bomb and that piece from that guy then iyll have sumthing to do... puahahaha ... hell yes... i think iymma spend my dayz becoming a pot head... thats a joke... i dunno maybe... nothing better to do... i have no where to hide it though... i think my grampa took down the santa clause so i gots nothing to trip over... ok i need a stoge now... kinda gay... my sister is a beehotch.. she needs to leave ... ok well iymma go before she looks over my shoulder cuz gay j is on and i know she is gonna be a nosy bitch find my blogger shit and shit and shit she's gay i hate lina hella gay too... i think they have sex and stuff....gay hahahahahaok ok bye everyone...baAaAaaAAaaaAA(goat noise)
:: Eros 8:06 PM [+] ::
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well yeah i haven't updated my journal in years... yes maybe ... umm.. too long too long ... fob style ... well n e wayz i thinkg iym going to afronism... its gonna beeh sick.. i think .. i hope peeps go... funky v might go and booh spaceman tasha crackhead jakie ... maybe bannana maybe scary lady (bad trip girl) maybe aj maybe gayj and her biboy maybe black girl i hope royalty and the claw goes too... i dunno... and maybe (sticks tounge out) .... its gonne be pretty poppin... finalz are next week... shit i need to study.. my mom is gonna take a way my comp i know it... its gonna be scary.. no friends.. no nothing .. no aaarrrgghh.. i dunno.... ok o k ok ok o ko k ok ok ok o ko k ok ok ok ok o ko ko ko k monkey is koohl...... i guess... she sed sumthing mean but i forgive her .. of course i forgive her... i can't loose her... and sumone gots to lie like they are moving to LA piss me off.. still mad at me i know.. whatever.. tripping ... iym hate-ing too ... iym just gonna roll down the mountain wearing an afro with my heart pounding a million beats per second and being the natural freak i am... haha .. i hope i don't have to take E shit haha... lol ... that would be funny... cuz like everyone says it feels good lol ... i hope bui and banana go for realz... i gots to tell bui bout it.. hope his poor ass ken raise ten bucks by afro day... oooh ooh i know.. i know.. star and them are coming its gonna beeh koohl if they are as koohl as astro and booh say then yeah i wanna meet them ... roll with them...HEN says he wants to go too... he just wants to fall down the mountain too .. haha ... well my back hurts and i wanna talk to funky V and astro boy.. bout whatever cuz my back hurts and this is wierd talking one way ... to no one
haha its koohl ... well peace out everyone !!!
:: Eros 8:45 PM [+] ::
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i dunno ... these days have been wierd... alot of people to talk to now.. people like ... k boi and funky v.. i dunno if i ken use their names... stupid v and his obsession with royalty.. its cute... i like talking about it... i like talking to him period ... super interesting...... he seems like a super special person and one to get to know better... i guess you could say we are good friends now.. or just friends that know alot about eachother ... so whats up with all this mumbo jumbo... k boi is obsessed with one .. he's koohl ... she duznt read this no more so its all gravy i think she duz sumtimes but too much for her to read you know with my massively long entries... i talk to other new people to ... like my smoking crew in the bathroom during lunch.. super interesting convos haha ... i dunno whats up with me ... my back hurts and so duz my knee maybe its the cold weather... this is a super boring convo haha.. but oh well its me... boring !!! ... my mom is gonna come and iym kinda using htis as writing in my journal time you know what i mean.. i told her that its my way of releasing stress ... she belives me it sort of is once in a while... you know ... my head hurts and my teeth are yellow yes everyone point and stare tomorrow... haha just laugh at me.... iym a side show... iym enjoying getting teased... its makes me feel .. stupid ... haha ok ok iym trippin i really need to do sumthing about it... like trip out for reals and nutralize this shit haha...haha ok ok ok i need to go now i think my mom is gonna unplug my modem er sum shit you know what iym saying hahah ... well yeah iym trippin i just ate hella brownies ... hella chocklate ... and milk... its making my mucus thick.. phuey... well yeah iymma just breath .. inhale exhale ok iym out late dawg!! that was black.. haha ok bye
:: Eros 11:18 PM [+] ::
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you know sometimes when you listen to music you feel it deeply and emotionaly ... not always the lyrics ... maybe just the way the singer expresses the song with his/her voice... to me the feeling is sorta like magic... it gives me this dream feeling ... these songs are important to me in a way... sort of a solace or a sanctuary from the world around me... when the song is over ... i dont know whether to replay it or somehow express those feelings myself somehow through another form of art... one way i do it is through dancing... i like dancing... i dance different to everysong though no one has noticed... the way i dance to music is ... wierd .... its how the music makes me feel .. i let the music control my body take over my senses and emotion ... that may sound gay or something ... this all might ... but its what i do ... its a expression of myself artisticly... i would paint if i still had some ... i feel this emotion in me all the time that needs to be released so i can feel empty... the emotion i crave... i feel lonely... even though i have friends and family and people to talk to all the time... i dont want a spouse i know that ... but i crave a friend to talk to... a friend that i can talk to about everything again ... i don't really have one now that i talk to n e more... i want a new person to get to know... maybe someone can find this and relate to it... i'm just some ordinary person right ... everyone has these emotions... well thats what someone told me... i wish i could do something more... in life or whatever... more to now later and eternity... death can fullfill that right... i know it can... i need a hair cut.. my hair is so long... whatever... its fine i look like a midget bruce lee on drugs or sumthing ... iym falling more down into the negative hole again... i havta do my hw too... oh well iyll do it in school ... ok i gtg now my mommy gnite everyone
:: Eros 10:47 PM [+] ::
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its been a while .. again... but it is sorta better ... i feel really happy right now... the first time in a year that i havent been depressed withought the help of a drug or absent mindedness... it is sorta great... iym not really happy, but positive... iym sitting here, eleven fourty in the morning, sipping my tea without a feeling of sadness...i can't say its the best feeling in the world or how i want to live my life ... but its a start.. i havent been suicidle for two hours, and thats great ... i like this feeling ... i sort of feel like the grinch after he heard the singing even though i dont celebrate christmas... like my heart is swelling and i want to live life with other people instead of sulking with myself, in some corner, alone .. cold ... and all that other mumbo jumbo... iym pretty much grounded .. but with freedom... me and my mom are sort of going back to our own terms, you know... like coming on the same level... i feel like partying, but i feel like not doing anything that involves major lies ... i guess iym pretty much without a party for a long time, or for a while ... i dont mind though .. i really want to go, but i cant... i think i am going to get good grades for now on... i have a feeling that i will, i have some motivation...i am going to express and come out on a subject with my friend... the fact that its brought up so much and that i feel like i have to lie everytime it comes up is really bugging me ... its nerve reking and all that but, i feel i need to ... because if i dont, i feel somehow it will negatively affect our relationship... i love this friend deeply ... its a closeness that doesent exist... dont get me wrong .. honestly it does exist...we are close... if my friend doesen't want to talk to me or it affects our relationship at all, then its all cool, its just one of those things that happens... maybe our friendship wasnt meant to be, or isnt meant to be what i want it to be, or what it should be, or .. i dunno how to explain it... and its something on my chest that i need to brush off... sometimes i feel like dying ... like when i die it really wouldnt make a difference ... like my death isnt really a big deal to my friends ... just a social topic... or my parents wont really care because they have other children to worry about ... iym sure my parents would grieve my death, and my friends will too.. but i feel like i wasnt a loss to them ... that my death was just tragic ... that my life wasnt meant to be something great, or i didnt impact a persons life givine me some importance or worth ... my eyes are welling with tears again but trust me iym currently happy... its just that my life is really confuzing for me... its sumthing that i must confront... and just look at it, from all perspectives ... well yeah ... i dont really make much sense but these are my feelings ... and i guess its just me ...
:: Eros 12:03 AM [+] ::
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daymn its been years since my last journal entry... well yeah i got high with aj that one day i snuck out... it was super fun.. i had sooo much fun ... ate .. ditched the whole day.. we went to golfland then to valco and then ricky and dana left us and we were like "fuck where are they cuz we were so high.. during thanxgiving break i went to vizionz... it was a dead party but the music was good and i was with friends and the whole vibe was koohl... oh yeah ... did i mention i was rollin... n e wayz... we got there like at one and it was pretty wierd... i was with peter nick and jon and jenny .. it was super wierd cuz we were all jammed in the car... jana shoulda went... well yeah we were there and when it hit me i was all cool juss talkin alot but i wasnt feelin it like in my body ... then i sat down with peter to chill ... me jon and peter were all talkin sitting on the floor then jon got up to dance in front of jenny.. oh yeah and aj and luan went... and yeah luan its koohl.. he dances hella dope... well yeah we are sitting on the floor .. and massaging eachother.. and stuff and juss chillin.. then peter smelt me and sed i smelt good.. and i was like what ?? then he kissed my cheek.. then i kissed his... then we looked at eachother for a bit and yeah... i kinda kissed him... well its wrong to say "I" kissed him cuz it was more mutual if you know what i mean... well yeah we were koohl after that nothing more... i was dancing like a freak and shit... and yeah then jakie comes and she busted her TIN MAN and it was fucking hella trippy cuz she looked hella wierd ... to me it was koohl... kinda ... and i got up and was dancing with her and we did sum four arm shit and sum other funky stuff and luan and aj an jon and nick were like wtf are they doin .. it was all good though cuz i had hella fun... i got home and chilled for the weekend cuz there was nuthing else to do and i was super tired and i had the post E depression fer a while...and i got sick on saturday but played it off so i ken go out that night .. iwent with jenny jana and frank.. and jon showed up too... jenny jana and frank were high.. (frank is sum guy jenny met at vizionz.. super nice.. former tweaker super skinny... they are currently in love lol) well yeah we went to jack in the box and they got into a food fight and there was food all over the floor... hahaha.. well n e wayz.. i went to school.. i guess it was koohl.. it was all same ole same ole... oh yeah i got back on tuesday .. then on tuesday i went with jon aj and jana ... and aj got sum super good chronic so yeah jana and him smoked out ... they rolled a fatty then i took one hit and i was kinda trippin.. i got home and was still kinda trippin.. i kinda had the munchies so i ate like four spam musubi's then crashed on the couch it was pretty fun... then school blah blah then that friday... i went to a rave called Emagine Nation... it was only five bucks with a can of food it was super super fun best housers and dancers i ever seen and most were sober like 82 percent ... well yeah we are in the party and i met sum girl named Liz and she was twenty and sum girl named Shirley.. she was pretty ... she was chinese they were both twenty ... and yeha i talked to them cuz they had stoges and yeah they are super cool i hope to see them at another party.. oh and i saw Ryan there.. the tony's pizza shirt guy.... and zueby .. shugar shak 2 is this weekend but iym not goin.. well n e wayz yeah what else happened... nuthing really.. oh i think that was only like not to long ago.. oh yeah the day after the party we went to the FLIP THINGY it was in berkley i havent been in that scene fer a while and remenicing while i was there was pretty koohl.. too many asians though not enough ravers lol .. haha well yeah we saw B-SYDE hell yes they are fuggin dope that is like sum of the dopest shit iyve ever seen i want to choreagraph and dance in a group again... it is like another high for me... haha well yeah i have a habbit now .. well its more of a ritual to go smoke with jana and kaitlyn and jakie and tasha in the girls bathroom.. sum of the best times and convo's in there .. unforgetable ... its super beutiful and especially being with them ... they are like my family especially my raver friends... again i am currently not crushed on anyone or any thing so iym all koohl and happy except for i want to go to another party and shit... haha hell yeah .. .well this is getting kinda long and pretty much sums up most of this stuff ... i will update more .. unfortunately .. you know too much to read ... so yeah peace out ... in the words of a great philosopher/cousin ... "WORD TO YOUR MOTHER!!!!" ---- JELLO
:: Eros 5:35 PM [+] ::
...

ok ok ok .. well yeah i snuck out last monday and shit ... and did stuff the day after tell you later .. mathew had a bday party it was koohl .. but all i want to say is i met sumone cool and worth writing about ... i gtg now bye
:: Eros 10:48 PM [+] ::
...

daym hella shit happened... got into argument with my mom ruining chance of bubble bath but iym still goin even if it means running away.. n e wayz iym pretty cool the picinic is still on ... yeah this weekend was dope juss kickin it at home ... pulling everything in ... i watched most of the movies i dled so yeah iym pretty set... iym having a fun being myself and regular again ... iym gonna roll at the picnic and peter and nick are coming ... yeah .. and so is jana maybe dan maybe jenny ... and maybe adam...
fuck i juss hope freakin joz will pull through with the pills ... well atleast her friend tony .. fuck i only have 6 bucks... i need to raise five more... daym daymn daymn hahahahah shit well janet owes me two and i kan get to from my mom and i lost one buck in lina's car so i can scan up that area then i can get two.... whatever.. i should do my homework.. iymma die by the end of this week dude... shit when my mom finds that letter thingy.. from umm.. mr Z what n asshole whatever though dude .. whatever i dont care and shit ... n e wayz.. yeah iymma juss fuckin .. grr i hope i can go on the early out ... and shit ..yeah iym goin no matter what well i gtg eat maybe iyll update another one later ahhite peacie weacie iym audie
:: Eros 6:21 PM [+] ::
...

its fuckin halloween.. stayin home was way funn.. and i got candy.. haha .. whatever.. n e wayz.. grandpa was teaching me how to play guitaur.. it was major fun.. its sort of also special to me.. its like.. how all of everything he knows .... he passes down slowly through generation and generation... i am happy to sort of be carrying down what he knows ... i love my grandpa... i love my grandma too... in both my mom and dads parents i see myself.. and in my parents i see myself too.. but honestly... i really feel like... i dont know. sort of like... i was adopted.. whatever.. haha ... iym super tired its like 1110 and stuff... who cares iymm sleep soon.. i want to get a stoge though.. maybe when uncle bert falls asleep with gretle iyll go get two from his shoe.. one fer now and one fer tomm.. when i ditch 7th for the last time before i shape up my act... haha iym gonna shape up finally and get good grades since tomm.. is the end of the quarter.. ok well lina is going to come and wonder what the hell iym doing.. that means i got to clear history lol ahhite well iymma jet and get sum shut eye then .. peacie weacie iym audie.. or outie!! ~>
:: Eros 11:14 PM [+] ::
...

first i thought that all of my depression was Post E depression... but i figured out that it really isnt... there are alot of things actually bugging me... i feel really sad that i am getting bad grades... i can never go out and n e thing... oh yeah you may call me deprived... and most of you think iym a loser (fuck you.. i know who you are) but whatever... i really dont care no more... my grades iymma just concentrate on that.. i hope i have to go to wilson er valley cuz of my grades then i wouldnt have to deal with all this santa clara bull shit... freak.. iym soo mad... whatever... i need to concentrate on my ... sa******* fuck E too ... iym quitting taht shit... i really dont care no more.. fuck i guess i am not going to do it on the late start day and shit... whatever ...
:: Eros 4:23 PM [+] ::
...

ok yesterday i fuckin did nothing.. juss go online .. do nothing and talk... today fucking sucked dude iym soo depressed i think its cuz the E ... and like iym really thinking differently.. like lastnight i had a dream that i rolled with those people again and yeah it was so fun .. and i had sexual expieriences and when i woke up i was so depressed and fucking mad and i was crying cuz it wasnt real.. fuck iym not going to be able to drop er do n e thing fer a while.. the reason is because my mom wont let me cuz iym grounded fer like till the sememsters over cuz i got fucking bad ass grades ... iym soooooo mad ... and irritated... i dunno what the fuck is up with me i f i just did my freaking homework... and tried my best then i would have been able to do shit .. iym so sad.. its making me mad.. whatever.. iym fucking crying right now... i dont know whats up with me ... fuck i dont like nick n e more.. he looks funny and he's not that attractive as i thought... really.. he's not.. so i guess iym pretty much over him... but i wouldnt mind doing shit with him... i want to go to school and do shit n e more.. i want to die er like i dunno .. its like i have no fucking i dont know.. like i can't do this shit.. i cant work i cant do my work iym worthless i need help on everything.. my grades and my life is going down the drain because of my fucking habbits like TV internet Phone and other stuff.. fuck all i need to do fer now on is update my blog when iym at school and come home do my homework sleep eat help cleat .. etc etc. iym so fucking bummed out right now.. i fucking need to delete all my porn now cuz i know they r going to take away my comp.. iym so inlove with worthless things.. and my mind is caught sumwhere else .. iym soo fucking lost its like iym not going to have a future.... i think i should just concentrate on school and religion..
"ok dont read this if you dont wnat to its religios and it scares me and it is also blaspheming which is a sin"
"i feel my religion is the right religion... i feel that my beliefs are true... yet i do such bad things because i am so worldly... i want to ... i dont know.. i want to stay with my beliefs because i want to go to heaven.. and i want to please my parents... i am so fucked up... i dont know what to do.. in life in anything... iym so afraid ... i dont know what to do... and the end is near... god says so ... look at this world.. i dont know whats going to happen.. iym fucking scared to death... since i might go to hell maybe i should just kill myself now.. get it over with..."

fuck nick if you go online tonight i know iym going to give you this fuckin URL... iyll respect if you dont want to talk to me after this its ok... but please respect me by not showing this to n e one or telling n e one about this ... ahhite

ok whatever ... i promise you guys i wont kill myself tonight.. iyll be cool ahhite

143 all


:: Eros 7:36 PM [+] ::
...

Haha.. yes i went to fuckin lil monsters... well the fuckin mini make up party because it got busted before we got there.. ok lets take it slow...... from the beginning.. ok friday... dad picked me up like at five and yeah we went to watch a movie and stuff ... i was so excited that i was going... and like i called jon at seven cuz i really didnt get a hold of a phone till like yeah 7 so i was at taco bell at seven after coming out of the punjab infested K-mart that i live near bye.. daymn it was fuckin hard to spot a mex not stealing and a punjab not stinkin ... what ever... well i bought like 2 disposable camera's and like this glowy face shit, glitter spray, a toothbrush and toothpaste, and shiznit... i dunno what else... oh yeah and a fucking fifty sent body tattoo glitter thing, but all i got were diamond shape stickers.. and a slap bracelet "slap" haha... i think thas all... well n e wayz i was having a slammin time in k mart but i still had to shit.. so i cunvinced my daddy to bring me to freakin tacobell to eat so i could use the phone ... then i call up jon and he fuckin says that the party already started.. and i was like wtf is that shit dude i fuckin hella wanted to go fer like 7 hours cuz it ened like at freakin 2 but actually 3 you know cuz DAY LIGHT SAVINGS. then jon came over and like we decided that i go with him cuz freakin bernie didnt get our E and shit... and we had to get it freakin from this ghetto ass guy named Kimbra er sumthing.. n e wayz we go to pick up bernie .. my dad thinks we are going to come back to crowley tomorrow morning ... any wayz when we go to pick up bernie i wanted to try my foam spray and stuff and then i sprayed janet but it got all over fuckin bernie... it didnt stain her clothes er n e thing but she got hella pissed.. it didnt even smell like n e thing.. and she fuckin wen oh iym gonna smell hella bad now.. lol yeah right you trippin... so n e wayz we go to fucking parking lot and we are there and we are waiting for fucking Kimber to come and drop off the E and this fuckin old man is staring at us and blinking his head lights and i was like wtf are you doing old man we were all saying taht... but we shouldnt have been there cuz thats considered loitering.. but whatever it was freakin fun cuz we got our E haha but then ... freakin bernie and janet want us to drop them off all the way in daymn milpitas at Magat.. .that fob ass store.. wtf its named after a fucking fly larva!!! i was hella mad and stuff... haha .. ok then n e ways we drop them off and like.. i hella wanted stoges.. so i got them from Vincent .. Janet's BF .. .and i was like koohl .. so it was kinda werth going to... well n e ways then we headed out to Jenny's house .... well we got there and her boyfriend Peter, her friend Nick and DAN and Jana was there... yeah jana was the one we were gonna get a ride from with her friend kate but plans got jacked up.. Oh wie schade ... so then we all had to ride in freakin Jenny's car... she drives scary.. n e wayz at the house it was kinda boring... well everyone kinda new eachoter already i was kinda the only one not introduced yet.. well jenny introduced us... haha ... well i was shy and i would think that i am queer and hella hate and shit.. but it was super cool.. well we got into the thingy after (the car) and we headed out to fucking san francisco.. it was a koohl ride ... but we kinda didnt really know where we were really going ...and then ... it was hela fun cuz like we were playing games and shit and jenny jacked us fuckin hella pacifiers fer when we're rollin.. and then yeah while we were in the car fuckin jana and dan smoked out it was hella cool.. they were hella funny after that thas y.. haha ... well when we got there in sf.. i guess jenny made a wrong turn er sumthing and we were in sunset and we are fuckin supposed to be Down town. .. well after askin scary and nice people we finally got there... and we dropped at the ticket place where we are supposed to figure out the exact location of the party.. and then they tell us.. oh shit its fuckin busted by the PO's and shit.. well n e ways they tell us to go down there and see if we could get in cuz like the PO's were hella slow breakin it up and shit .. well we got under the freeway and it hit me... it hit me hard .. first i couldn't feel my face and i couldn't hold shit back... like everything i said i couldnt control.. and i was hella sayin shit off the hizue and telling myself to shut up.. i remember asking people fer stuff like this... Nick i want to wear your star trek glasses but iym not going to ask you, ... then he laughed and put them on me.. haha that was hella funny..then i started getting kinda scared like oh shit they r gonna catch me on drugs and shit and blah blah blah...so we go there and there is no fucking way we could get into the party.. i dont remember really what happened but they were yelling and i was like stop yelling dude be happy you guys are making me hella nervous and i was..getting scared and stuff.. it was super trippy.. then they were touching me and i was hella feeling it.. they were giving me hand massages and shit..it felt hella good... then they asked if i wanted candy .. they gave me a ringpop and i was like licking it non stop.. i was hell like whoa.. but i was still nervous ... well Jenny had to get gas so like we go and get some gas and like they say jomel you have to come out and walk around... so i go out and walk around and its fun like it feels like i have to run a mile ... but i dont have to and like... iym hella cold when i dont walk.. haha i was trippin then i met up with some cool ass people... the person i met was this girl with a red feather scarf thingy and like she told me to feel it and i was like whoa that feels hella good.. and like we told her it was my first time and she said she did Blue Dolphins her first time too and yeah and like i gave her a hug... then i met this cool girl.. i fucking fergot her name i have to ask lucky so i could edit this shit.. well she gave me one of those vicks things.. like its like a umm... white tube thingy and i was like whoa cuz i like sniffed it and it was super good i was hella like whoa that is so cool.. haha then i busted out my passifier and i was hella chewin it.. it was soo cool... then i was like hella talkin to people askin them if they were rollin and stuff like juss askin hella questions and it was juss so cool and i was telling them hella shit and askin fer hugs.. it was koohl.. and i fuckin smoked a ciggarette and it was sooo good... it just feels like.. beutiful.. haha .. then like we took pictures haha .. then like i lost one of my arm warmers somewhere ... then like i went in the back cuz i was hella rollin and cuz the said that the Po's were coming cuz we were loitering the gas station so we all jumped in the car... then all of a sudden Peter comes in the back cuz janna is helpin jenny with the directions.. and he was like... shit are you feeling it.. and i was like hell yeah it feels hella good dude.. so like i was lying down on him and i said ... daymn i freezing dude.. .so then he puts starts massaging my stomach and my hands and all of me and i start massaging the sides of his body and he started massaging my nipples and my inner thigh and it felt hella good... then i was like shit... wtf are we doing what if someone sees us cuz i felt him fuckin pop a bonner... so i grabbed his hands and gave him a hand massage... i wouldnt have minded at all but ... iym afraid of jenny... then i said ... fuck iym cold so we went under the blanket and he hugged me and i fell asleep fer a while and woke up in his arms.. then we were at the parkning lot.. then we got out and lucky told me.. dude lie down on the grass it feels hella good... and i said no i dont want to.. but then jon said do it now jomel... so i did and like .. i lied down and i looked at the freaking clouds and i saw mickey mouses head it was hella scary.. n e ways i dont remember walking to the shuttle at all .. juss getting in and seeing people and saying wussup and getting hugs and shit. .. oh yeah and i remember i couldnt find the fucking camera.. haha .. then like i finally found one that jon had and he was like forget about hte other one but like he said no no no dude juss use this one.. haha so i laughed and agreed but while i was looking i took hella bracelets off the floor haha it was soo coool .. well we get there and like we have to buy tickets and its like five bucks.. well i didnt have five bucks , actually i did i just didnt use mine cuz i had a hard time finding stuff in my pockets... so janna juss spotted me cuz i couldn't figure out shit yet cuz i was still hella trippin. Well iym inside.. no hat, no arm warmers.. juss a shirt bracelet jeans black shoes and messed up hair... so iym like walking around... and i finally get my shit on that people brang fer me and i just can feel the music taking control of my body.. so i start dancing ... and it feels so beutiful like all thats there is you and the music.. and it feels fucking great... so iym dancing my ass off feeling beutiful and i decide to sit down and then peter gives me a light show.. and it feels beutiful.. the lights really didnt trail fer me but i could feel the lights like they were fire warming my face.. it was fucking rad... i couldnt believe it ... daymn... it was so cool, then i got a fucking ciggarette even though they didnt allow smoking in there everyone was smoking... i met a bunch of people.. and i gave them hugs.. it was cool... then i went up to umm.. these two girls.. one was named mihoshi and the other was named sam... they werer cool.. i talked to them but like one of them was sober so they were pretty much doggin.. then i danced then i met wilma and fred (thas wut i called them cuz thats what they were dressed as) but they were both sober cuz the X didnt hit them yet. it was sooo fuckin rad dancing .. i cant believe it... i want to really do it again.. soo bad.. well then i was dancing.. lucky got molested but i dont care.. then like i juss kept dancing and then i freaking see mihoshi making out with some girl.. and i was like whoa that is so cool... got another light show from this really good looking asian guy... after he blew my face.. and i grabbed him and hugged him, then i started massaging his back and he was like "oh yeah that feels pretty good" then i was like breathing hard on his neck and then i said "i dont want to let go and then he massaged me back and said "i don't either" then he kissed me catch this "ON THE LIPS W/SOME TOUNGE" but i didnt take his tounge cuz i wasnt ready for it and then he said i gtg find my friends cuz i was with him fer like twenty minutes.. dude he was cute.. oh oh yeah then later i saw him and he was telling his friend that he didnt roll tonight and i was like .. i smiled at him and he smiled back.. daymn i should have asked for his damn number. haha .. then i found jana .. and my E fuckin already went away cuz lucky pissed me off.. ok whatever...well i juss kept dancing but i kept stopping cuz i felt like everytime i danced jana and dan were doggin me ... i met sum witch girl ... she had a cool hat..it kept on flippin over and over without touching it its magic.. .. n e ways it was the same shit fer the rest of the day and then we had to go.. so we left..and the place looks hella ghetto. whatever.. it got cool... we went to the chill hill sumwhere in cupertino and then we kicked it there and smoked a bit and then went to jack in the box and they ate ... it was pretty cool .. then like we headed bakc then i met my dad at jons and we made up the excuse that we went to the movies with bernie and it was a late movie then we went inside then we fell asleep ... but its a lie.. haha.. then i went to church tahts pretty bad.. haha but i kept falling asleep and the decons were right behind me.. i felt so bad.. then i saw monika.. pretty monika and i told her about me droppin the dad took me to carls jr ... then iwent to fuckin uncleberts gf's daughters bday party... then i went home kicked it with jon and talk to lucky on the phone it was cool... hahah ... ok ok thats the end.. iyll do shit later...
:: Eros 3:59 PM [+] ::
...

so it turnes out that nick isnt actually back with his GF and he didnt do it with n e one.. whoa thas a trip.. i dunno iym trippin.. i hope i can go tomorrow.. iym going .. and if she says to come home tomorrow hell no .. iym going to go to LIL monsters no matter what... i juss need to be good.. iym scared... i dont know what to do.. iymma drop and stuff and ferget about everything.. i really dont care no more.. maybe iyll drop two.. no no.. i might die.. haha .. so nick.. if you ever read this i really wanted you to go to LIL monsters.. it would be cool... so if you went thats dope and if you didnt thas kooh too... well iym hella bored.. i need to get a life.. ok lina is coming i really need to go now.. and i dont want to get in troubel in case my mom comes and ruins my chance of going haha.. ok bye 143 all .. .iym audie.. wuff cleo
:: Eros 9:34 PM [+] ::
...

convo with jon.. its interesting

FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: ftf my ass
FuNkShUniBbLe: literally
j Oy 7 6: hahah
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym making fun of nick
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym saying he needs to shave his legs
FuNkShUniBbLe: cuz he has a forrest
j Oy 7 6: hahah
j Oy 7 6: a white forrest
FuNkShUniBbLe: your mean
FuNkShUniBbLe: frances is a manly man
j Oy 7 6: hahahhah
FuNkShUniBbLe: i mean
FuNkShUniBbLe: manly girl
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
jOy 7 6: frances is either a manly girl....or a feminine man
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
j Oy 7 6: hahah
FuNkShUniBbLe: nick is stupid
j Oy 7 6: sick is nupid
FuNkShUniBbLe: 9: honestly I dropped my phone on the keyboard and the line showed up
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: Le: who u talkin too
3109: no one
FuNkShUniBbLe: iBbLe: ...
FuNkShUniBbLe: then y do you have the phone like... nm nm ...
j Oy 7 6: what line??
uNkShUniBbLe: there was like a line that showed up
j Oy 7 6: oh brother....lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: its wierd
j Oy 7 6: everything in our lives is
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: i guess iym just a wierd person
FuNkShUniBbLe: honestly
j Oy 7 6: hahah....ferrealz
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym super trippin i have this like... i dunno like the boa cd is on my desk and all the pieces are just arranged in this funky way and its super trippy
FuNkShUniBbLe: its like a picture
FuNkShUniBbLe: daymn everything seems like a picture too me
j Oy 7 6: hahahha
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha iym asking nick for a pic
FuNkShUniBbLe: pick for a nic
j Oy 7 6: nick got a pic of his small dic
j Oy 7 6: hahah
j Oy 7 6: jk
FuNkShUniBbLe: hahahahah
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: oh my god
FuNkShUniBbLe: your a dork
j Oy 7 6: i kNOSe i am
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: eewl that reminds me of... pNOISE
j Oy 7 6: ewwwww
j Oy 7 6: pNOSE
j Oy 7 6: like p diddy
j Oy 7 6: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
j y 7 6: that could be jo's bf name
j Oy 7 6: pNOSE
uNkShUniBbLe: i have a sto ma che a che
j Oy 7 6: dj pNOSE
j Oy 7 6: hahah
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: i think nick went to take a shit he's been gone fer a long time
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: i cant wait till this saturday
j Oy 7 6: maybe his gf is there
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym going to have sooo much fun
FuNkShUniBbLe: i know
j Oy 7 6: givin him some
FuNkShUniBbLe: PUSSY
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
j Oy 7 6: HEAD aches
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
j Oy 7 6: lol
j Oy 7 6: lmao
j Oy 7 6: lmao
j Oy 7 6: sounds like a vietnamese word
j Oy 7 6: lmao
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym tearing
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
j Oy 7 6: hahahha
j Oy 7 6: lmao
j Oy 7 6: um buh lah....lmao
FuNkShUniBbLe: li mu bai lmao
jOy 7 6: hahahh
j Oy 7 6: hahaha
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym hella bored
FuNkShUniBbLe: whater you doing
jOy 7 6: talkin to hella peepz
FuNkShUniBbLe: fer realz
FuNkShUniBbLe: like who
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym only talking to two
jOy 7 6: cj
j Oy 7 6: aileen
jOy 7 6: dugyoot
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
j Oy 7 6: sum guy
j Oy 7 6: and you
j Oy 7 6: what's the main char. name on final fantasy
FuNkShUniBbLe: which number
FuNkShUniBbLe: 8
FuNkShUniBbLe: squall
j Oy 7 6: i guess
j Oy 7 6: do u know who irvine is
FuNkShUniBbLe: eeewl
FuNkShUniBbLe: yeah
FuNkShUniBbLe: he wears a cowboy hat
jOy 7 6: hahah
FuNkShUniBbLe: why??
j Oy 7 6: hold up
FuNkShUniBbLe: ai was tryng to convince umm.... nick to come to LIL monsters
j Oy 7 6: 1: there's even a scene where two of the cute guys hold hands
FuNkShUniBbLe: and umm... Cj tooh
jOy 7 6: eah, him and the cowboy guy were holding hands
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
uNkShUniBbLe: lol
uNkShUniBbLe: why who is playing it
j y 7 6: 81: Squall
is81: and Irvine
jOy 7 6: y 7 6: aww..i didn't get that far
jnOy 7 6: i dunno who irvine is
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: daymn i want nick to go
FuNkShUniBbLe: he juss needs thirty two bucks
FuNkShUniBbLe: and some E''
FuNkShUniBbLe: and then we could both be 1
FuNkShUniBbLe: one
FuNkShUniBbLe: onE
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: thats in my journal hella times
jOy 7 6: hahaha
uNkShUniBbLe: dana is sayin nick aint back with his GF
j Oy 7 6: he is
jOy 7 6: Kat told me
FuNkShUniBbLe: she sed
FuNkShUniBbLe: he sedFuNkShUniBbLe: he dun tell her shit
j 7 6: my online frend...sent me a yaoi pic
nOy 7 6: hahah
FkShUniBbLe: oh my gosh jon
uNkShUniBbLe: stop talkin to freaks
uNkShUniBbLe: of the industry
uNkShUniBbLe: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: i need to go noww
FuNkShUniBbLe: and take a shower
FuNkShUniBbLe: and sleep
FuNkShUniBbLe: need to get up
FuNkShUniBbLe: do hw
FuNkShUniBbLe: at school
dFuNkShUniBbLe: need to find dollar for E
dFuNkShUniBbLe: ok ok o ko k ok o ok ok ok okok ok ok
jnOy 7 6: okay
jnOy 7 6: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym not even that sleepy though
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: and i drank a cup of coffee
FuNkShUniBbLe: w/pandesal
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
j Oy 7 6: hahah
FuNkShUniBbLe: ok ok iymma go
FuNkShUniBbLe: and sleep ... it will make saturday come faster and i dont have to trip about getting in trouble fer being online
FuNkShUniBbLe: ahhite late
jOy 7 6: late
:: Eros 10:25 PM [+] ::
...

3109: is my car and the penal code or police code for illegal streetracing is 23109 so ya put them together and you get 3109
FuNkShUniBbLe: oh
FuNkShUniBbLe: ok
FuNkShUniBbLe: i see
FuNkShUniBbLe: thats koohl
3109: :-)lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: so whats up
FuNkShUniBbLe: i havent talked to you in while
3109: not much chillin!
3109: and you?!?
FuNkShUniBbLe: umm...
FuNkShUniBbLe: dunno
FuNkShUniBbLe: stuff
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym goin to LIL monsters
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym hella excited
FuNkShUniBbLe: cum with us
3109: really I want to go but I have no funds right now I have to save for Lickity Split
FuNkShUniBbLe: aww
FuNkShUniBbLe: you suck
3109: I know
FuNkShUniBbLe: juss come
3109: I do want to go though
3109: I'll try aight
FuNkShUniBbLe: ahhite
FuNkShUniBbLe: iymma drop
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym afraid i might say something though
3109: ya what's that?!?
FuNkShUniBbLe: nuthing
3109: aight I guess you need to role than so you can say whatever it is lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: trust me you dont want to know what it is
FuNkShUniBbLe: ok ok
FuNkShUniBbLe: juss shut up jomel
3109: it's coo bro no pressure
FuNkShUniBbLe: i know
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym always like this
FuNkShUniBbLe: i always cant hold my tounge
FuNkShUniBbLe: its like i got teret syndrome
3109: haa haa lol don't even trip bro it's good to be open
FuNkShUniBbLe: i know... but not tooo open
3109: true
FuNkShUniBbLe: you know "too close for comfort"
3109: sometimes...
FuNkShUniBbLe: sometimes??
FuNkShUniBbLe: why who do you want to get close to?
FuNkShUniBbLe: oops
FuNkShUniBbLe: that didnt make sense
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym trippin
FuNkShUniBbLe: daymn my moms home i gtg soon
3109: it's coo
FuNkShUniBbLe: nm it wasnt them
3109: coo coo
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha my frend is fucking wierd
FuNkShUniBbLe: e Me: for realz? Haha
hnee Me: http://www.aoi.100megs4.com/gallery/due/dlq14.jpg oh my God..this is the kind of guy I like..mayn he's so foine....uugh
FuNkShUniBbLe: oh my god
FuNkShUniBbLe: that is so wrong
FuNkShUniBbLe: she is a freak dude
FuNkShUniBbLe: they are home
3109: haa haa lol who is that?
FuNkShUniBbLe: i have no idea
FuNkShUniBbLe: i konw its a guy cuz what she sed
FuNkShUniBbLe: i was like daymn he's kinda pretty lol :-X
3109: haaa haaa lol
3109: :-P
FuNkShUniBbLe: e: but I don't like the sinful kinda look unless it's Kyo. I love the angelic boys who look so innocent. Puahah
hnee Me: http://aoi.100megs4.com/gallery/plastic/PT006.jpg my favorite boy Ryutaro. Unnn he looks so yummy.
FuNkShUniBbLe: dont i m her
3109: k I won't
FuNkShUniBbLe: she is funny
3109: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: i got into a fight with my mom earlier ...
FuNkShUniBbLe: iyll copy paste out of my online journal
3109: about what?
3109: k
FuNkShUniBbLe: i got into a fight with my mom earlier because i didnt know how chickens look when they are coooked and she wouldnt come out to check them... then she got mad when she came out because she sed they were burnt and she was trying to put the blame on me..yeah right ... so i threw a fit and went up stairs to my room and slept till like eight... haha iym a trip.... over chicken..
3109: it's coo bro Moms trip over weird things sometimes! lol]
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: no i think its hella funny
FuNkShUniBbLe: i want to go swimming
3109: right now?!?
FuNkShUniBbLe: yeah
FuNkShUniBbLe: cuz i feel hella dry
FuNkShUniBbLe: like dehyrated
FuNkShUniBbLe: and juss dry
FuNkShUniBbLe: why whats wrong with right now??
3109: haahaaa That's kinda weird but coo Why not just take a cold shower?
FuNkShUniBbLe: it doesent work taht way
FuNkShUniBbLe: i want to be engulfed
3109: ic
FuNkShUniBbLe: 6: hahah
bleep
FuNkShUniBbLe: oh shit
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: dont reade that
FuNkShUniBbLe: oh my god
FuNkShUniBbLe: hahahaha
FuNkShUniBbLe: hahaha
FuNkShUniBbLe: dont scroll up
FuNkShUniBbLe: oh shit
FuNkShUniBbLe: haaha
FuNkShUniBbLe: dont do it
FuNkShUniBbLe: dont im that person
FuNkShUniBbLe: oh my god
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
UniBbLe: lol
3109: it's coo I didn't even get it
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: ok ok
3109: oh for realz
9: it's coo
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: whatever iymma dork
3109: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym uglee
FuNkShUniBbLe: i saw myself in the mirror
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
3109: what? nah bro don't even trip lol
3109: haa haa that's kinda funny
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym not trippin
FuNkShUniBbLe: fer reals
FuNkShUniBbLe: i looked in the mirror and i was like.. daymn he look tore up
FuNkShUniBbLe: M I ugly
FuNkShUniBbLe: honestly
3109: No bro
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
3109: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: thats funny
FuNkShUniBbLe: you need to shave
FuNkShUniBbLe: your legs
FuNkShUniBbLe: jk
3109: haa haa no way bro
FuNkShUniBbLe: you got a forrest
FuNkShUniBbLe: jk
3109: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: ok iym trippin
FuNkShUniBbLe: officialy
FuNkShUniBbLe: iym an ugly tripper
FuNkShUniBbLe: wait wait
FuNkShUniBbLe: if iym not ugly
FuNkShUniBbLe: what am i
FuNkShUniBbLe: see.. iym ugly
3109: I donno...but not ugly
FuNkShUniBbLe: ...iym ugly
kShUniBbLe: lol
3109: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: wanna hear sumthing funny
3109: sure
FuNkShUniBbLe: frances is either a manly girl....or a feminine man
FuNkShUniBbLe: i didnt write that
FuNkShUniBbLe: someone who doesent like her did
FuNkShUniBbLe: well likes her... but its true to that person
3109: haa haaa lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: ok iym trippin
FuNkShUniBbLe: wanna read my journa
FuNkShUniBbLe: l
3109: surez if you want me too...
FuNkShUniBbLe: no no no.. not yet
3109: it's coo
FuNkShUniBbLe: haah
FuNkShUniBbLe: sorry
3109: np
FuNkShUniBbLe: you'd think iym crazy if you read it..
3109: lol
FuNkShUniBbLe: honestly.. you'd be like wtf.. and never talk to me again
3109:
nah I don't trip out like that
uNkShUniBbLe: whoa where did taht line come from
FuNkShUniBbLe: do you see it
3109: yup I out it there
3109: by mistake sorry
FuNkShUniBbLe: how did you do that?
FuNkShUniBbLe: oic
uNkShUniBbLe: magic
FuNkShUniBbLe: lol
3109: honestly I dropped my phone on the keyboard and the line showed up
FuNkShUniBbLe: haha
FuNkShUniBbLe: who u talkin too
3109: no one
FuNkShUniBbLe: ...
FuNkShUniBbLe: then y do you have the phone like... nm nm ...
3109: it's coo brb
FuNkShUniBbLe: ahhite
FuNkShUniBbLe: do you have a pic on your comp?? i want one.. when you come back.. if its kooh
FuNkShUniBbLe: come to lil monsters
FuNkShUniBbLe: and drop with me
FuNkShUniBbLe: its gonna be my firs time
:: Eros 9:36 PM [+] ::
...

ok i am practically over nick.. if he goes to lil monsters i dunno ... i wanna do him still .. but not badly... yesterday or was it monday... when i was looking at him .. i noticed stuff i never seen before about him... it really didnt make him unattractive but it made him look different..... i dunno ... whatever iym juss so stoged taht iym going to lil monsters ... haha ... i have 2 more days .. to be good so my mom duznt changer her plans.. . iym soooo bored.. i got into a fight with my mom earlier because i didnt know how chickens look when they are coooked and she wouldnt come out to check them... then she got mad when she came out because she sed they were burnt and she was trying to put the blame on me..yeah right ... so i threw a fit and went up stairs to my room and slept till like eight... haha iym a trip.... over chicken.. i didnt even do my homework yet and the fuckin quarter is ending iym scared... ok iymma go i feel too nervous... oh and iym talking to nick at the moment so iyll have to put the convo in here...
:: Eros 9:26 PM [+] ::
...

dude i cant believe iym going this saturday.. kant say where till after.. i already got my tix and stuff too iym soo excited..haha well i dunno ... iym soo excited.. my friend is trying to get nick to go cuz they are friends... i dunno if i want him to go.. iknow fersure iymmma be ONE but i dunno i might say tooo... what if i tweak and tell everyone iym gay.. i dunnno... well iym watcing mathew sleep so i gtg soon.. iym having fun... meeh and cassie are talking about harrypotter... hehe its pretty cool
iym super tired.. i need to get sum rest and do my hw.. and i need to crap... i need to fuggin do my hw... i cant update that much either cuz iym practically grounded from the internet and i dont want to ruin my chances of being able to go this saturday.. ok i gtg.. the BABYVOX CD is soo coohl the BOYISH story ..its dope.. ok whatever. sarang hae yo kim EZ.. saranghae yo minwoo!!
:: Eros 6:47 PM [+] ::
...